Candy Mountain Roy!
by 0n0es
Summary: What happens when you mix Fullmetal Alchemist with Charlie the Unicorn? You get crazy hyper teens and a certain Flame Alchemist who just wants to torch their asses. By the way, if you don't like RoyxEd, don't read!


_Ok, This isn't my story but, I absolutely had to add this. My best friend, __Ani__-ma, had written this for me. I do not plan to release her __real __name__ nor my own__. But, I will leave the story the way she intended it for me, with a few changes in names. Enjoy. :) _

**Candy Mountain Roy!**

**By: ****Ani****-ma**

"Heeeeey Roy! Hey Roy wake uuuuuuup!"

"Yeah Roy, wake up!" Ed and Al chimed simultaneously

"You silly sleepy head, wake up" Al exclaimed.

"Uggh! You guys? What the hell are you doing in my house?!" Roy yelled in a scratchy voice.

"This had better be flippin' important! Is there anything wrong in Central?" Roy asked through clenched teeth while clutching the pillow to his head.

"Noo Roy, we found a map to candy mountain! Candy Mountain Roy!" Al exclaimed with sparkling eyes. _twinkle twinkle_

"A map to watta?" Roy mumbled under his breath while restraining his right hand.

"A map to Candy Mountain!" Al and Ed said simultaneously while jumping up and down.

"We're going to Candy Mountain! Come with us Roy!" They both squealed.

"Yeah Roy, It'll be an adventure, we're going on an adventure!" Ed smiled

(inside Roy's head) _But I already had an adventure last night snicker_

"Yeah…Candy Mountain right, I think I'll just go back to sleep now." Roy said staring to pull the blanket over his head only to have it feel like a house just sat on him.

"IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OFF ME AND OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE I'M SENDING YOU BOTH TO HELL! ON THE COUNT OF 3, 1…2..3!

BOOM! Goes the house, only including Roy in his now destroyed bed and jammies (boxers)

insert 0 n0es's squeal and rape 

"Let's go Roy! Ed and Al squealed about 10 feet away from a steaming Roy.

"You two are so dead…"

**'15 minutes later**

"Sweet and joy Roy! That's whats waiting for us at Candy Mountain, I told you!" Ed explained with the same amount of cheer as before the other 20 times.

"There better be girls in miniskirts and pom poms there" Roy muttered then stared at Ed and Al as they skipped and pranced down the empty road chanting 'Candy Mountain' which soon became creepy. I know that I am a Roy/Ed fan but for the sake of the story, let's say they're straight, no matter how untrue it is

"Stop with the damn singing already!" Roy screamed with a twitching eye and arm.

Without taking notice to his remark, Ed continued "Our first stop is over there Roy!" Al said smiling and pointing in the distance.

"OMFG! WTF IS THAT?!" Roy yelped.

"It's a Pikachu Rooy! Isn't he soft and cuddly?" Al exclaimed squeezing Pikachu.

"You're making it mad, Al." Roy squeaked.

Al squeezed it tighter and the Pikachu went boom.

"Dumbass"

On the road again…(I can't wait to get on the road again! xD)

"You guys know there isn't really a Candy mountain right?" Roy asked

gasp "Shun the non-believer! Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" Al and Ed exclaimed while making crosses with their fingers.

"Shunna, shunna!" Ed echoed.

"Do you two need to get laid or something?" Roy asked as he reluctantly followed them across the bridge.

"It's just over this bridge Roy."

"Yeah, just over this bridge, Roy!"

"This a magical bridge!"

"Magical my ass" Roy stated while gripping the rope tighter.

"This isn't worth it man, Just let me go home!"

"Roy, Rooy, Roooyy, Roooy, ro-"

"Stop saying my name you freak from hell!" Roy said hysterically with a look like o.0 at Ed who had a cat-like grin on his face.

" I'm right here for Pete's sake! Now let me off the damn thing!" and with that said, Roy rushed past the two to the other side.

**At Candy Mountain**

"Why am I the only dirty one? Roy asked looking at his mud stained uniform

"We're here! We're here!" They chanted.

"Well, what'd y'know , there really is a Candy Mountain" Roy said with shock.

"Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain! You fill me with sweet, sugary goodness!" Ed sang.

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Candy Cave Roy!"

"Yeah go inside the cave! Magical wonders will behold when you enter!"

"Yeah, um thanks but no thanks I'll stay out here."

After 30 minutes of convincing

"Alright dammit! I'll go inside the cave." Roy muttered and stomped inside, only to feel completely alone.

"Eh..guys?...Al?...Ed?...Mommy?"

squeak squeak and bang him upside the head with a rock

Dreamland'

"Enter the cave, Roy!"

Cue music

Oh when you're down and looking for some cheering, then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave, when you get inside you'll find yourse-"

Roy awoke with a start. Then he noticed his was outside.

"Ow." He said holding the back of his head. His eyes then grew wide, for there was a huge breeze.

"Aww, they took my freakin' clothes!"

insert 0 n0es in the woods with a 'Roy Net' looking around for her prey 

_Reviews?_


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